Every Christian struggles with doubt, either occasionally or in the knowledge that we are those who once had no faith at all. Just as at first, the answer to doubts is not to “believe harder,” for such bald efforts never saved us in the first place. No, doubts betray that we are needful things, we are reliant upon the Giver of faith. Therefore occasional doubts are of no account to the Lord, “for he knows our frame, he is mindful that we are but dust” (Ps 103:14). However, one who persists in doubt, against all reason and comfort from brothers/sisters, the Spirit, and Scripture, may be described as a doubter. In such cases, not condemnation, but exhortation towards repentance is most appropriate.
I remember when I was a young Christian, full of zeal, yet ashamed of my sin and its refusal to finally and totally depart from me. I was also learning the doctrines of grace, of God’s choice to save sinners in active and open rebellion to him. I was pitying myself, thinking that God had either not really chosen me or had made some mix up, as I remained a sinner (is anyone surprised?). In that moment, God sent a close friend who gave me unimpeachable reason from Scripture, comforting words and prayers, and all manner of proofs to convince me that God had indeed placed me under His grace. I resisted. In the end, my dear friend sternly commanded me to repent of my unbelief, as it was not my salvation that I was truly questioning, but God’s choice of me and His action in my heart and life; a profoundly audacious claim. Something snapped in me, and I quickly and happily repented, my confidence now resting securely in God rather than in myself.
What we need most in our moments of doubt is not so much reassuring and comfort, though we certainly need those. What we need most is to repent of unbelief. Especially insofar as either Satan, or those in the world who belong to him, have tempted us to adopt their perspective on the absence, irrelevance, or distrust of God, we are living in open rebellion to God. Comfort is not the prescription for rebels, at least not at first, and so instead we must embrace repentance, a laying down of the silly weapons of doubt by which we only injure ourselves. Comfort is paradoxically found therein, as we realize the foolishness of questioning an Almighty God. Instead, we may laugh with Him in the surety that He knows what it is He has done in calling us, who are so weak, into His service. Is it not precisely in our weakness that He is shown to be strong (2 Cor 12:9)? May it ever be so.
To the God Who was, and is, and is to come, How is it that I am assailed by such doubt? From within and from without, both my fear and my foes, each feeds the other and so propose, that my reason for hope is unreasonable, so my feet fail in finding firm foundation. Why must you allow enemies to roar, to mock, and to chide? Why do they find such easy favor among all? How long must you permit their boisterous lies? Every proof is forgotten, every evidence equivocated, each indication ignored, and testimonies deemed untrustworthy, til faith feels fragile, feeble, and finally faint. But who can stand against You? Am I not satisfied in Your inevitable victory? Must I insist that rebels be overcome immediately? For You have made many sons of mutineers. You have reformed the roars of renegades, so they have cause to sing Your praise. And do I differ so drastically from detractors and disbelievers? Do I not here express my own doubt in questions? Do not proofs and points of fact fade before my mind? Shall I side with the skeptic, after all I have seen? But surprise does not suit You, for Your answers precede my questions, Your patient mercy meets me in my misgivings. Far be it from You to be intimidated by the inquests of infants, but Your care is as a Father for His son, where anxiety is anticipated, trust is intuitive, and loving guidance is Your joy. For faith at first arrived without fanfare or studies, without publicity or prior notice, as unpredictable as the wind. Just as the wind seeks no warrant from the windswept, but is evident in its effect, So this gift of faith reflects the presence and prerogative of the Giver. And how might I question His gift? May I cite flaws? Who could find fault? For 'good and perfect' are all His gifts, what else exceeds their excellence? For Your gift is not fragile, nor tainted by me, but is nurtured and protected; The Vine-dresser is not thwarted by vines, but expertly ensures their flourishing. Lord, give it to me to banish doubts, for Your work admits of no mistakes. Who could snatch me from your hand? no enemy, nor I, amount to a threat. Grant me exuberant repentance from my doubts, that fear and foe may fade, for the fullness of grace upon grace. Amen.
I needed this today. Thanks, brother.