Today’s political, social, and religious landscapes are fraught with disagreement, or perhaps what may be more accurately termed seething and unrestrained hatred. I of course can tally a number of times when I have argued, hated, and reviled. Human disagreements are such that there exists great variability in culpability between two or more of us in any dispute. Though it is curious that we often consider ourselves mostly in the right no matter the situation. The result is that we are much more concerned with being offended than we are with how we have given offense. Given social media and its contribution to a growing culture of outrage, it seems that raucous and hateful argumentation on one’s own behalf is lauded as a virtue in our culture, regardless of whether/how you have done wrong yourself.
I suggest another approach. I suggest that you lose the argument. As Christians we are not sustained by being right, we are not sustained by getting respect from others, and we would not even be sustained by the abject apologies which we long for from our foes. We are sustained by Christ, and it is his victory, not our own, which gives us life, and that in utter abundance. In Christ we are free to lose the battles, or more properly forego the battles, for Christ has won the war, but this Victor gives His spoils to you, dear Christian (1 Cor 15:57; 2 Cor 2:14-15). But how do we begin to lay down our arms?
I have often advocated for (and employed myself) the practice of daily prayer for ones disputant (Mt 5:44). In one particular circumstance, I did this for over a year before I experienced personal relief from hatred and pain arising from my strained relationship to another. Below I’ve crafted a prayer that can help get you started, and it is my firm belief that you too will experience relief from hatred and anger through regularly praying a biblically informed prayer such as this.
To the Prince of Peace, the Great Reconciler, Today I labor under the weight of bitterness and anger. I have experienced the broken bond of fellowship with a fellow image bearer, and I have approached You far later than I should, treasuring instead my anger over Your peace. I confess my designs of disdain towards those with whom I disagree. Though I believe my cause to be just, I am tempted to regard my fellow unjustly. In my sin, I have erected a monument to myself as Truth, and have burrowed a pit for the defamation of my disputant. Though injury abounds to mine and my fellow's heart and dignity, I have indulged my imagination, dreaming of further disputes in which I emerge as victor. Grant me instead the grace of defeat, and cause me to behold Christ's victory. Draw my attention to the One Who goes before and behind, and in Whose strength my many weaknesses are made perfect. Remind me that the Advocate has already spoken for me, so that I may remain silent. Soften my words that they might turn away wrath, give me endurance and speed in the pursuit of peace, and mold my heart unto Yours, that I would love my opponent before I seek to correct them. Grant me forgiveness where I have sinned, move me to seek pardon from my partner, and aid me in absolving my adversary. By Your Spirit, give humility in full measure, that my estimations of my enemy may ever be charitable and kind, considering their good above my own. May my theme be redemption's love, and draw me passionately thereby to the one with whom I disagree. Amen.